What I have learned...

So I always said I wouldn't be someone who only blogged about their baby and nothing else, BUT- I can't help it. Plus we haven't gone out a whole lot this summer, so it's pretty much all we've been doing. So here is a little bit of what I've learned about taking care of babies over the past weeks..

If you want your baby to smile- make every attempt to act as idiotic and foolish as possible- it may bring results, however more then likely they will start to look at you like this. I call this the "you've got to be kidding me" face.

In order to really get her to smile (or even calm down)... ALWAYS place a baby flat on their back on the floor or a bed so they might have a better view of the ceiling and can become mesmorized with the lights. Who would've known how exciting these can be? This will almost always give you the results you are looking for. If this isn't working, refer to mr. monkey (see below).

I present to you a babies most "fascinating" toy- mr. flying monkey. If ever you find that a child is mildly colicky, doesn't want to be held, dealing with gas/digestive issues, or is upset about anything really.. Simply place them below this, and they will be engaged for hours. It not only provides great entertainment, a source of their first smiles and baby coos/shouts, it will also allow for intense exercise. At least an hour of kicking and punching will take place.

Note- no other toy or animal can be used- it must always be the monkey. Other toys or objects may allow for some intense staring (see below), but nothing but the monkey will bring the same amount of joy and excitement. (Notice the gym has other things on it- she will ALWAYS turn towards the monkey- we think she is sure it is really alive- she makes many attempts to talk, coo, shout, and even cries at it).

When your child will not stop her relentless screaming, DO NOT try calming them down by cuddling, holding her closely, or trying to rock her in the "standard" baby position. Babies prefer to lie on the floor bythemselves, as above, or enjoy being held facing outwards, sideways, maybe even upside down- who knows? This one started liking it when her dad would hold her sitting up at just a few weeks old. If all else fails refer back to the monkey.

Even 5 week old babies prefer to sit up like the other adults in a room.

Sometimes they are calm looking and observing the world around them, other times they look like this...

Once this occurs and none of the previous remedies are working- you can turn to the last and final, NUMBER 1 way to calm a fussy baby down- taking off thier clothes. At times just a simple opening of the diaper will work, at others a full bath is necessary. This was discovered early on when diaper changes seemed to tone her down a bit. Eventually it was found necessary to go further. They can be screaming before and directly after, but during a bath, their faces will always look like this. Note that excessive shouting, yelling, and frustration will occur when the clothes are placed back on.

Don't worry Derek has warned her that we "really can't make it a habit in the future to take off our clothes whenever we get upset"- so parents out there, try not be afraid! :)